Moving in with Dawn....maybe....

[Ryan H.]

To ReunionTour posters - mention this on my forum, or to Dawn, and be banned forever.

Okay, so last night me and my friend Tone (Antonio from my forum for those who cross post), were robbed at gunpoint. We lost about sixty bucks between the two of us but walked away unharmed. However, it became perfectly clear from that incident that this is no place for Dawn and her kids to be around, and I won't put them in position to go through what I did (if you haven't been through that, it's scary as hell). I know if Dawn had been with us, they would have just taken her entire purse, her phone, checkbook, ID, credit cards, EVERYTHING, and I also know that Tone and I were lucky just to walk away without our money.

So after I told Dawn what happened, I said I was moving THIS WEEK. Somehow, today, that translated into "we need to move in together." I'm not totally averse to the notion, to be honest, but going from "We shouldn't rush this" to "let's go look at apartments this weekend" is a pretty awkward thing. If I say "I'm not ready" it's a rejection, but I'm hesitant to commit. Dawn has TWO kids, she's VERY specific about how she wants things done. This time last year I was just a simple bachelor who liked to drink and smoke on the weekends, now I'm being quasi pressured into becoming a quasi dad and husband.

I don't know how ready I am to give up my bachelorhood, to be honest. When you live alone, even if you have a steady girlfriend, you still have that one sanctuary, the place where only YOUR rules apply, where you can walk around in your boxers smoking a cigarette drinking rum straight from the bottle if you want just for the hell of it.

How do I give all that freedom up in the blink of an eye? Requesting help from the married/established guys/couples on the board, please.

Thanks.

[svosen]

Take it as corny if you like, but the concept of marriage (basically what you're talking about here) exists on a foundation of mutual sacrafice of self for the other partner.

I would say that if you're still at a place where you value "that one sanctuary" and all it offers you, moving in with this woman and her children is a bad idea.

It's my opinion that the matter shouldn't be taken lightly at all (and obviously you're not taking it lightly); rather, the commitment to live together should be considered only after marriage. If one or both parties are not ready to make that level of commitment, it's probably a bad idea.

Granted, there's always the possibility that it would grow on you, but there is too much at stake to take that risk (e.g. the emotional stablility of her children). Like I said, marriage = self-sacrifice. Consider what is best for Dawn's children, then what's best for Dawn, then what's best for you. If you realize you're not ready to place their needs before your own (and I'm not saying that it'd be a bad thing, necessarily, if you're not), then don't move in.

Wish you well, Ryan. I hope this turns out well for all of you.

[hawkster]

First off, sorry to hear about that mate. Hope you are both OK.

As you stated the 'not rushing in to things' part is the most important. It appears that both of you know you like each other. The problem with moving in together because of what has happened may or may not cause issues for you both. Especially as there are her kids to think of.

If it was me I would not rush in to moving in together, if she already has an apartment you could move in for a period of time whilst looking for a new place. If that works well and you are all happy then decide if you either stay or you look for somewhere together. It takes so long to get used to habits etc of partners when you start off living together, you could find out some you do not want too

[farfus]

What both of them said, Ryan, ive been on my own since my roomate of 81, its not something id take lightly my friend..........

[Arnold K. (Admin)]

Wow, that's pretty scary shit right there. Glad you're okay.

One question: Is this the same Antonio that's been posting here for years? SN is: Ant0Ni00?

[Ryan H.]

Originally Posted by Arnold K. (Admin)

Wow, that's pretty scary shit right there. Glad you're okay.

One question: Is this the same Antonio that's been posting here for years? SN is: Ant0Ni00?

Yeah, it's the same guy. He lives in SoCal now but he's up this way every now and then, and when he is he stops by to visit Dawn and me, especially since he's the guy that introduced us.

I'll tell him to stop by the forum some time and say hello, I know you two used to get along pretty well

[Ryan H.]

Originally Posted by svosen

Take it as corny if you like, but the concept of marriage (basically what you're talking about here) exists on a foundation of mutual sacrafice of self for the other partner.

I would say that if you're still at a place where you value "that one sanctuary" and all it offers you, moving in with this woman and her children is a bad idea.

It's my opinion that the matter shouldn't be taken lightly at all (and obviously you're not taking it lightly); rather, the commitment to live together should be considered only after marriage. If one or both parties are not ready to make that level of commitment, it's probably a bad idea.

Granted, there's always the possibility that it would grow on you, but there is too much at stake to take that risk (e.g. the emotional stablility of her children). Like I said, marriage = self-sacrifice. Consider what is best for Dawn's children, then what's best for Dawn, then what's best for you. If you realize you're not ready to place their needs before your own (and I'm not saying that it'd be a bad thing, necessarily, if you're not), then don't move in.

Wish you well, Ryan. I hope this turns out well for all of you.

Given that neither of us places any real importance on the concept of marriage as a religious institution, neither of us feel compelled to get married, especially in order to live together.

Either way, however, I don't think either of us wants to rush things to the point where we mess what we have up. If it makes any sense, I sometimes feel I love her too much to move in with her.

[svosen]

I think that does make sense. That's a good example of the self-sacrificing love I was mentioning. Again, I really hope things end well for all of you.

~~~~~

Just noticed the cat in your siggy - that's one cool-looking kitty. Yours? I love it when domestic cats think they're in the wild

(nice photo composition, btw)

[Ryan H.]

Originally Posted by svosen

I think that does make sense. That's a good example of the self-sacrificing love I was mentioning. Again, I really hope things end well for all of you.

~~~~~

Just noticed the cat in your siggy - that's one cool-looking kitty. Yours? I love it when domestic cats think they're in the wild

(nice photo composition, btw)

Nah, someone posted that on my forum's Way of the Ninja board (yes, RT has a whole sub forum dedicated to ninja discussion, it started as a joke but people have been eating it up), and since my user tag everywhere I mod/admin is always "forum ninja" I figured it would go perfectly with my tag and avatar over here.

[hawkster]

It sounds like you both want this to happen anyway Ryan mate. So what the hell. Go for it, if it starts getting wierd you have not lost anything, as long you start getting all ninja on each other. Good luck whatever you decide though.