I've come to a conclusion! - Page 3

dillonthebunny · 10-20-2006, 03:29 AM

(*looks over shoulder to see if Cowboy is watching* -- and don't tick off the Brits; they'll be in charge here soon)

"You're pushing your luck Benedict.

"

svosen · 10-20-2006, 01:38 PM

D'oh!! I should have known you were lurking around somewhere within earshot...

dillonthebunny · 10-23-2006, 10:15 AM

lol... indeed.

you know Walls have ears... and bits of toe and noses (lol.. 'Walls' are a company that make sausages and pork pies in Blighty).. sorry, a bit or a crap-in-joke.

http://www.bangers.co.uk/

just in case anyone is bothered at all, here's the site... i know.. god im bored

such a crap day at work

HannibleL316 · 10-24-2006, 04:52 AM

Keep them coming!
Your keeping me entertained

dillonthebunny · 10-24-2006, 05:19 AM

pork pie walks in to a pub.. "a pint of larger please barman" says the pie.

the lardlord of the pub see's the pie and says "sorry, we dont serve food"

ahem...

should I stop now?

HannibleL316 · 10-24-2006, 07:54 AM

I havent heard that one in awhile!!

dillonthebunny · 10-24-2006, 03:01 PM

duck walks in to a bar "hello " says the duck to the barman. the duck carries on... " im working across the road at the building site for the next three weeks and i will be in here at the same time every day. is it possible that you could get me two pints of ale and a bowl of chips(fries

) ready for me every lunch time at the same time? my hours are short and i dont have much time for lunch"

the barman (obviously a bit stunned about this whole situation. you know, talking duck and everything), agrees to have the lunch ready each day.

and yes the very next day the duck walks in to the pub at the same time as yesterday and there on the bar is two pints of murky brown ale and a bowl of chips.

the duck, thanks the barman and retires to the corner of the pub to drink and eat before getting back to work.

this goes on for a few days, and the Barman is still totally taken back by this whole thing... "a talking duck.. a TALKING DUCK!" he keeps saying to himself over and over.

anyway as the duck continues to eat there every day (apart from Sunday) soon the barman starts to think about things, and he remembers that he has a friend in the circus. "imagine how much they would pay me for a talking duck" the barman says to himself, without much thought on whether it was the 'right' thing to do or not he rings his mate 'Alfonzo the great' to pop by the pub the next day and see this amazing thing.

so the very next day Alfonzo pops in to the pub, where the barman puts out the two pints and the bowl of chips on to the bar, and tells him to wait til half past twelve to see the talking duck... Alfonzo isnt that convinced. the barman and him go way back, and the stories that the barman used to tell back then were mostly lies, so he wasnt holding out for this at all.

anyway, half twelve comes and the door opens... and in walks the duck. the duck nods at the barman, and gets his drinks and bowl of chips and goes and sits in the corner of the pub.

Alfonzo looks at the barman, and is shocked that the duck just walked in, took the drinks and is now in the corner munching away, but he still hasnt heard him say a word.

Alfonzo looks at the barman and gets up and walks over to the duck. "do you mind if i sit here with you for a while mr Duck" the duck shruggs its shoulders and nods.

Alfonzo is looking up and down at him in amazement... when the Duck says "do you mind, im trying to have lunch!"

Alfonzo nearly spits out his ale, "my god its true" he says.. "Im sorry Mr Duck, its not every day i meet such an amazing thing as yourself"

the duck smiles and asks him to carry on.. "you really are one in a million Mr duck, i run a small but unique circus but would very much like to employ you straight away, or at least as soon as possible"

the duck looks at him...

the duck has a few more sips of his ale

the duck thinks... Hmmmm

after about three mins of deep thought the duck says "circus..Hmmm, you mean a tent thingy?"

Alfonzo says yes, yes thats right

"Hmmmm, you mean large wooden poles and lots of canvas"? says the duck

"yes, yes thats right!!!" says Alfonzo....

the duck replies...

.
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.. "what the fcuk do you want with a plasterer!!"

im so sorry... i realise that joke took me ages, but hell... im british and ive had three glasses of wine, time is on my side

Rosie17 · 10-24-2006, 03:52 PM

I havent heard the pie one, and the duck one was a little long, but it made me chuckle, which i needed after the day i had, thanks. xxx

dillonthebunny · 10-24-2006, 04:53 PM

well, i think i should leave it there... they only get worse from here, lol

Darth Koth · 10-24-2006, 06:35 PM

Im printing the duck one, my dad will piss himself.

10-20-2006, 03:29 AM	#21
dillonthebunny Blinkity blink blink Join Date: Feb 2003 PS2 Online ID: Dillonthebunny/HareofDoom PS3 Network ID: HareOfDoom/DillonTheBunny Posts: 5,499	(looks over shoulder to see if Cowboy is watching -- and don't tick off the Brits; they'll be in charge here soon) "You're pushing your luck Benedict. " __________________ Legend Edgemaster of the Unicorn. oh and nine thousand fake forum tokens, 3 real ones and 5 special tokens mysteriously protected by a blinding white aura.. known to some as the 'anti wife light'.. ""Bombing for peace is like **ing for virginity" "NO OFFENCE" R.I.P @PS3

10-20-2006, 01:38 PM	#22
svosen Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Central Montana Posts: 1,960	D'oh!! I should have known you were lurking around somewhere within earshot... __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." -- Ephesians 4:2

10-23-2006, 10:15 AM	#23
dillonthebunny Blinkity blink blink Join Date: Feb 2003 PS2 Online ID: Dillonthebunny/HareofDoom PS3 Network ID: HareOfDoom/DillonTheBunny Posts: 5,499	lol... indeed. you know Walls have ears... and bits of toe and noses (lol.. 'Walls' are a company that make sausages and pork pies in Blighty).. sorry, a bit or a crap-in-joke. http://www.bangers.co.uk/ just in case anyone is bothered at all, here's the site... i know.. god im bored such a crap day at work __________________ Legend Edgemaster of the Unicorn. oh and nine thousand fake forum tokens, 3 real ones and 5 special tokens mysteriously protected by a blinding white aura.. known to some as the 'anti wife light'.. ""Bombing for peace is like **ing for virginity" "NO OFFENCE" R.I.P @PS3

10-24-2006, 04:52 AM	#24
HannibleL316 Hello, Clarice.... Join Date: Feb 2003 PS3 Network ID: Hannible Posts: 944	Keep them coming! Your keeping me entertained __________________ "Tina come get some ham!" 3 Forum Tokens

10-24-2006, 05:19 AM	#25
dillonthebunny Blinkity blink blink Join Date: Feb 2003 PS2 Online ID: Dillonthebunny/HareofDoom PS3 Network ID: HareOfDoom/DillonTheBunny Posts: 5,499	pork pie walks in to a pub.. "a pint of larger please barman" says the pie. the lardlord of the pub see's the pie and says "sorry, we dont serve food" ahem... should I stop now? __________________ Legend Edgemaster of the Unicorn. oh and nine thousand fake forum tokens, 3 real ones and 5 special tokens mysteriously protected by a blinding white aura.. known to some as the 'anti wife light'.. ""Bombing for peace is like **ing for virginity" "NO OFFENCE" R.I.P @PS3

10-24-2006, 07:54 AM	#26
HannibleL316 Hello, Clarice.... Join Date: Feb 2003 PS3 Network ID: Hannible Posts: 944	I havent heard that one in awhile!! __________________ "Tina come get some ham!" 3 Forum Tokens

10-24-2006, 03:01 PM	#27
dillonthebunny Blinkity blink blink Join Date: Feb 2003 PS2 Online ID: Dillonthebunny/HareofDoom PS3 Network ID: HareOfDoom/DillonTheBunny Posts: 5,499	duck walks in to a bar "hello " says the duck to the barman. the duck carries on... " im working across the road at the building site for the next three weeks and i will be in here at the same time every day. is it possible that you could get me two pints of ale and a bowl of chips(fries ) ready for me every lunch time at the same time? my hours are short and i dont have much time for lunch" the barman (obviously a bit stunned about this whole situation. you know, talking duck and everything), agrees to have the lunch ready each day. and yes the very next day the duck walks in to the pub at the same time as yesterday and there on the bar is two pints of murky brown ale and a bowl of chips. the duck, thanks the barman and retires to the corner of the pub to drink and eat before getting back to work. this goes on for a few days, and the Barman is still totally taken back by this whole thing... "a talking duck.. a TALKING DUCK!" he keeps saying to himself over and over. anyway as the duck continues to eat there every day (apart from Sunday) soon the barman starts to think about things, and he remembers that he has a friend in the circus. "imagine how much they would pay me for a talking duck" the barman says to himself, without much thought on whether it was the 'right' thing to do or not he rings his mate 'Alfonzo the great' to pop by the pub the next day and see this amazing thing. so the very next day Alfonzo pops in to the pub, where the barman puts out the two pints and the bowl of chips on to the bar, and tells him to wait til half past twelve to see the talking duck... Alfonzo isnt that convinced. the barman and him go way back, and the stories that the barman used to tell back then were mostly lies, so he wasnt holding out for this at all. anyway, half twelve comes and the door opens... and in walks the duck. the duck nods at the barman, and gets his drinks and bowl of chips and goes and sits in the corner of the pub. Alfonzo looks at the barman, and is shocked that the duck just walked in, took the drinks and is now in the corner munching away, but he still hasnt heard him say a word. Alfonzo looks at the barman and gets up and walks over to the duck. "do you mind if i sit here with you for a while mr Duck" the duck shruggs its shoulders and nods. Alfonzo is looking up and down at him in amazement... when the Duck says "do you mind, im trying to have lunch!" Alfonzo nearly spits out his ale, "my god its true" he says.. "Im sorry Mr Duck, its not every day i meet such an amazing thing as yourself" the duck smiles and asks him to carry on.. "you really are one in a million Mr duck, i run a small but unique circus but would very much like to employ you straight away, or at least as soon as possible" the duck looks at him... the duck has a few more sips of his ale the duck thinks... Hmmmm after about three mins of deep thought the duck says "circus..Hmmm, you mean a tent thingy?" Alfonzo says yes, yes thats right "Hmmmm, you mean large wooden poles and lots of canvas"? says the duck "yes, yes thats right!!!" says Alfonzo.... the duck replies... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. "what the fcuk do you want with a plasterer!!" im so sorry... i realise that joke took me ages, but hell... im british and ive had three glasses of wine, time is on my side __________________ Legend Edgemaster of the Unicorn. oh and nine thousand fake forum tokens, 3 real ones and 5 special tokens mysteriously protected by a blinding white aura.. known to some as the 'anti wife light'.. ""Bombing for peace is like **ing for virginity" "NO OFFENCE" R.I.P @PS3

10-24-2006, 03:52 PM	#28
Rosie17 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Sheffield, England Posts: 486	I havent heard the pie one, and the duck one was a little long, but it made me chuckle, which i needed after the day i had, thanks. xxx

10-24-2006, 04:53 PM	#29
dillonthebunny Blinkity blink blink Join Date: Feb 2003 PS2 Online ID: Dillonthebunny/HareofDoom PS3 Network ID: HareOfDoom/DillonTheBunny Posts: 5,499	well, i think i should leave it there... they only get worse from here, lol __________________ Legend Edgemaster of the Unicorn. oh and nine thousand fake forum tokens, 3 real ones and 5 special tokens mysteriously protected by a blinding white aura.. known to some as the 'anti wife light'.. ""Bombing for peace is like **ing for virginity" "NO OFFENCE" R.I.P @PS3

10-24-2006, 06:35 PM	#30
Darth Koth Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Sheffield, England PS3 Network ID: DarthKoth Posts: 692	Im printing the duck one, my dad will piss himself. __________________ The Force Is With Me.......And I Still Fk Everything Up Lightsabers: When you've absolutely, positively Got To Kill Every Motherfker In The Room I'd Love To Knuckle-Fk That Punk Right In His Ccksucker - Ryan H.

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