Life

[Interceptor]

Hey everyone. I know I haven't been around too much latley, it's just that I've had a lot going on. For the most party I value everyones opinion, as mundane as some can be, and thus I've decided to drop the bomb that is my life right here on the good ol' psxextreme (xboxnerds...) forums. Please disegard any incoherent rambeling, ect, ect....

I've been going out for the same girl now (Shawna) for about a year and a half. I'm not going to lie, it's been a wonderful and fantastic relationship. We're two very different people, and that fact has only made us closer. She's never done anything bad to me. She's been infinatly faithful, overly nice. I know it's cliche, but this is the kind of girl you bring home to meet your mom. Life was happy and all things were grand, until recently...

I'm a manager at a local, second run movie theatre. This is where the "other" girl comes in. There's this girl that works under me. Her name is Felicia. She's without a doubt the coolest girl I've ever met. This was no big deal to me though. Just because I think she's awesome doesn't mean it's mutual. Besides, I've got a perfectly happy, healthy relationship of my own. So yadda yadda, time goes on, we talk, we text message one and other, we occassinaly chat over net or over the phone. She keeps getting cooler and cooler, but I'm a nice, loyal guy. My mind (or penis for that matter) has never strayed from the person I'm commited to at the time. So comes the day that she drops the bomb on me that she really likes me. I was shocked, I don't know that I should have been, but I was. She closes in, we kiss. She goes home, and then a billion thoughts race through my mind. One half of me is over joyed, the other half of me feels like the worst person in the entire world. So naturally I do what I feels right. I don't know what's going on with Felicia, and I can't outright say that I didn't like it. So I tell Shawna that we should go on a break for a while. She jumps for conclusions and yadda yadda rumors start to fly (It's a small town filled with very bored people that have nothing better to do then rain carnage on others lives) Next thing you know Shawna and I are at each others throats all the time, yet we still hang out, Felicia and I are flirty and whatnot. My problem is that I am still very much in love with Shawna, and I know I'd go insane if she ever put me in this situation. I also like Felicia a lot and can see us going farther. I'm new to all of this, so I'm really quite lost. I'm also very fickle by nature. Please tell me one of you knows exactly what's going on with me. I need someone to relate.

Also, forgive and spelling errors and whatnot. It's very late and my keyboard is very small (apple) you goddamn grammer nazis. :P

[Gabriel013]

I don't think I'd recommend dating someone you work for or who works for you as this could cause problems with the other staff when it comes to payrises and promotions. They can really do damage playing the favouritism card.


I also am a believer of: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If you have been with Shawna for sometime and are still in love (or atleast still really like each other) then it's probably not the right thing to start seeing someone else instead. What if you date Felicia for a month or two then realise that you're better off staying as friends. You've then gone and lost yourself a good relationship.


Felicia knows how you feel and vise-versa so just make it clear you're in a relationship and can't take things any further. If things should turn sour down the line with Shawna then you are already at the good friends stage with Felicia and you can then pick things up from their.


I just hope it isn't too late to patch things up with Shawna.



Any, this is just my opinion and I think you should just go with how you feel deep down.

Hope things work out whatever you decide.

[Norrec]

Originally posted by Gabriel013
I also am a believer of: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

This is what I'm going with too, except maybe 'if it ain't broke, don't throw it out.'

Like anyone will say, theses are our opinions, we can't tell you what path to take, I personally think that if what you have with Shawna is good and loving, don't sacrifice it on a whim.

Hope you figure out the right thing for yourself though.

[Gabriel013]

So Interceptor, Any closer to deciding? Any developments?

Keep us informed as I want to know how things go.

[svosen]

I'm in agreement with Gabe & Norrec.

The fact that you were open with Shawna is very good. People can't help how they feel, but they can help how they act. I'm sure it wasn't comfortable for her to hear that you feel this way, but if you pledge your loyalty to her, and stress that you don't wish to follow your impulses, but rather wish to commit to her, I would think she would understand.

After all, I'm guessing she has had opportunities to do the same. Like I said, it's not what you feel at any one moment, it's what you put your mind to doing over the long haul.

Too many people define "love" as a warm and fuzzy feeling, when in fact it is a long-term commitment to remain faithful, regardless of outside variables.

Wish you well.

[Interceptor]

Things are still fairly complicated. I'd like to be able to agree with your views, but to me that somewhat seems like I'm playing the safe card. I care enough about Shawna to want to be completely sure I'm doing what I want to do, and what makes me happy. It's not fair to her for me to make a rash decision and there be regrets later. Thanks for the insight though.

[svosen]

Originally posted by Interceptor
I care enough about Shawna to want to be completely sure I'm doing what I want to do, and what makes me happy.

With due respect, I interpret this as being a very contradictory yet predominantly selfish statement.

Real love has nothing to do with selfishness. It has everything to do with selflessness.

You may want to consider this if love is what you're after. If love is not what you're after, then disregard.

[Interceptor]

I don't think you're reading what I'm trying to say correctly. I'm not trying to be selfish, but it is in fact my life and my decision. If I'm not happy then it can't be love, now can it? I was trying to say it wouldn't be fair for Shawna to think I'm in love with her and for her to think the feelings are mutual if I'm not sure about the way I feel. Or lead her on, per say...

[svosen]

Life was happy and all things were grand, until recently...

My problem is that I am still very much in love with Shawna, and I know I'd go insane if she ever put me in this situation.

I guess I'm confused about what you're really feeling, then. It sounds like the only thing that is making you feel like you don't want to be with Shawna is the fact that you've seen something new and exciting; if this new girl hadn't come into the picture, you would likely still be smitten with Shawna.

I never said I thought you were trying to be selfish, either.

There are times when I'm being selfish but am not aware of it. It's always beneficial when someone points it out to me. It sucks to hear, but in the end I'm glad for the wake up call.

I was only trying to point it out to you in case you weren't aware of it. My intention was to help, not to irritate.

If you're actually not in love with Shawna (as your last post clearly indicates), then I agree with you: it's absolutely best to tell her immediately and not lead her on.

I certainly don't envy you this situation. Hope it goes well for all of you.

[Ryan H.]

A bird in hand
Is better than
Any number
Free to wander

This bit of haiku wisdom has been brought to you by Dave Matthews.

You have a woman you know is faithful, beautiful, awesome, and pretty much everything you want. You're willing to sacrifice that for 'what might be' and it's going to bite you in the ass.

If I were you I'd run right back to Shawna, apologize for being a miserable *******, and beg her to take you back. I'm not trying to be a ****, but I know you're the kind of person who likes blunt, straightforward advice.

I hope it works out for you, Rick.