Getting something off my chest

[nice shirt]

Recently a series of events in my life have made me question everything thats "right". I am a new person because of this. I no longer hide emotions. I speak my mind more freely than I ever have before. I no longer like hiding my pain. Last week I decided to tell someone my deepest secret.

I cut myself to feel calm when I get extremely emotional. Not deep enough for stiches but deep enough to cause blood to puddle on the surface of my skin.

Its been going on for about a year. The first time I did it, I just wanted to see what it would feel like mentally to take a razor and cut myself. After that, I did it because I was sad, or mad, or depressed, and 2 weeks ago I cut myself because I was happy. After I told all of this to my closest friend, I had sort of an emotional breakdown. I cried for the 1st time in years. When I saw how sad she was when I told her this, I finally realized what a horrible thing I was doing to myself. We talked about it for a little bit and I swore on our friendship to never cut again. Ive thrown out all of the razors I had. I still feel the urge to do it, but my friendship with her means more to me than life itself. Now instead of cutting myself, Ill probably end up getting a tattoo every month. I get sort of the same feeling from them.

Matt

[Gabriel013]

Well I'm glad there are people on this forum who mean enough to you for you to tell us this Matt.

I'm sorry things have gotten so bad as to make you do this but I'm also happy you appear to have got a good friend there to help you.

While ever you are able to resist just try and get on with your life but if you ever do it again then you should seek professional help. The fact that you are almost addicted to it (I'm saying that due to the fact you did it when you weren't feeling down) means there could be something deeper only a professional can help with.

If any of us can help then let us know,


Gabe

[Odin]

I'm happy you made the decision to stop; it must have taken a ton of guts. It's great that you have a friend like that, though, who's willing to help you through that stuff. Everbody needs a friend like that.

Anyway, I hope things look up for you. Like Gabe said, tell us if anybody on the forum can do something.

[Ray Jay]

I sometimes cut myself. I tried to kill myself once or twice. I told a few close friends about it and some of them (who have also been in a similar situation to me) understood, others flipped on me.

I just don't get it.

[Matthew S.]

I'm glad you made the decision Shirt. However, your idea for treatment of getting a tattoo every month doesn't seem like an appropriate solution. If you actually went through with that schedule, you'd have 24 tattoos in just two years. Now if that's something you're totally into, then I can't object. Some people have a love for tattoos and honestly want them covering their entire body. But if you're getting tattoos simply to compensate for no longer cutting yourself, you may want to seek professional help in dealing with your problem. When people quit smoking it's not exactly advised to start chewing to offset the craving.

[Cowboy22]

I'm happy that you're able to stop, and admire you for being able to admit to doing it. Having a friend to talk to and to help you with the problem is fantastic but I agree with Matt. Maybe the tatoo idea isn't the best one (unless you're doing it for reasons other than to compensate for not cutting yourself) and perhaps some professional help should be sought to help with the problem. Whatever you do, it's great to know that you've stopped cutting and I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the problem in the future.

[Lefty Grove]

Originally posted by Cowboy22
I'm happy that you're able to stop, and admire you for being able to admit to doing it.

Yeah, agreed, that takes some courage. If there was a props icon, I'd be using it.

[Pocky Fiend]

Oh man, the only thing that skeeves me out is the sight of needles or something stabbing into flesh. Today at school we watched videos of the halocaust and the Germans killing people and dead bodies and stuff and that didn't bother me at all [it was depressing to see how these people were treated during the war though]. I'm that you stopped as well, and that you're still around. I would recommend some sort of sport activity or going out to the gym, since it sounds like you want tatoos just for the pain

[Game Developer]

I think Cowboy said it best. And I'm especially happy for you man. You know where to find me whenever you need to talk man.

[Dmitry M. (Lazer)]

Good you put this out into the open. And i'm glad to here that you have gotten the problem solved and will not do it again.